t0rpor: my life
Same shit happening to me…
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Today I tried to watch straight porn… yeap, I’m super gay.
Some time ago, when I was barely knowing myself and words like gay and straight were so strange and so terrifying, I remember that taking refuge in those movies where the two boys fell in love, where they were happy, where they overcome everything together, I remember hiding behind photographs of happy guys, I remember seeing stories of brave boys who lived their love without fear and I felt so inspired that there were people like that out there in the world.
At that time I started to think that everything that could happen between two boys was the romance, they were kissing, hugging, touching and above all that there was love. I grew up with that idea, that idea turned my strength when I felt most alone, that idea turned my flag when I had no place in the world, that idea turned my purpose when I had no dreams to pursue. I fell in love with the romance, I fall in love with love and I let love become my ideal, my one and only true guide and love became everything to me.
Is that the reason why I right know cannot understand what people say. I cannot understand that people do not believe in love, I cannot understand why would someone play with feelings, I cannot stand to let love be mocked and I cannot stop ask myself where are these guys who contributed so much to my life? Where are the boys that wanted to love and be loved? What happened to the people who thought that the most important was the love? Where are the guys who think that “I love you” is more than a submission to end up in naked? Are there any people who are in love with love? Where are those who inspired me? PEOPLE OUT THERE! DO YOU EVEN BELIEVE IN LOVE?
Where are you? …
I think I have a heart attack…
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